Bullshit

I do not have a big personality.  Never have, do not expect that I ever will.  The more I am wandering around, getting in to adventures, the more I am finding this to be a serious handicap.  I've mentioned before that I do not say 'How are you?' to anyone, because generally speaking, I don't give a fuck.  To me, it is a waste of words... but I can also concede that it is a social convention, and to NOT do it, is considered stand-offish and rude.

I was in a job interview for an IT position, and it was a Group Interview.  It was the single most awful, sickening, gooey fucking thing I've ever attended.  Just utterly distasteful.  Think about those silly Team Building exercises you may do at work, they may have you color pictures or dress up or decorate your area or any number of silly things that the real reason you participate is that you get to not work for an hour or so.  Now, imagine that, with complete strangers.  Not just total strangers, but an obnoxious crowd from many walks of life, each with an agenda to do well in such an event.

I do the best I can, with my Weird Al looks and my awesome dice tie, but I really had no chance, and no idea that I had no chance when going in to this fucking thing.  After an hour and a half of group activities and bullshit, they sat us in the room and 'deliberated' for another half an hour like it was fucking American Idol, and then they called groups in to the other room.  Once about two thirds of the group had been called out, they told the rest of us "Thanks for coming in, we will not be needing you!"  What the holy fuck just happened?  No one from the company spoke with me a single time, asked me my name, shook my hand, not a damn thing, and now that they have seen me peripherally (also as the tallest guy in the room, and in a bright fucking red shirt) they've decided that 'I'm the weakest link... Goodbye'. 

I had what I thought was a brilliant interview a couple of months ago, for an in-house promotion at my job.  Went perfectly, I was personable, there were coworkers that met me and were recommending me highly to the interviewers, everything went great... and I still didn't get it.  Now, there are probably a thousand reasons why, and I can always try again, but the point is that I didn't leave an impression.  And a good impression is really ALL that matters when it comes to this sort of thing.  Leaving people thinking about you after you've gone. 

I may be entertaining in a small, intimate setting, and I can handle a crowd when all eyes are on me.  But, a situation where I need to bully everyone else away from me to come out on top?  Just not like me, and very distasteful to even think about.  I love games, but I do not enjoy real competition.  No one 'deserves' to win any more than anyone else does.  I am not better than anyone else, nor am I worse than anyone else, as much as I may feel that I am.  I am unable to function well in a setting where I am required to try and beat other people for personal profit.  I can beat you in some Guitar Hero, I'll tell you I'm going to kick your ass in some Madden 64, I'll throw down on some Pokemon and talk all the shit in the world... and if I lose?  So what?  Lets play again!  I'll win next time!  Competition does make the world go 'round, and it keeps prices fair, and makes things work... but I'd much rather sit out, thank you very much.  I can win, but I'd rather not defeat you to do it.



The Angry Man