Acceptance

I have spent the large majority of my life seeking acceptance.  Like somehow, I do not matter unless other human beings validate my existence.  Why does this mean so much to me, that other people acknowledge and accept me?  How much of my life have I missed out on, because I was stupidly vying for attention, hoping and begging for other people's interest in me?

Acceptance is something that is a part of human nature.  We are social creatures, it is possible but unnatural for us to be completely solitary.  Certainly we can fight our own nature, but it is still our nature to seek out others.  I spend a lot of time alone, however I find that the time I spend alone is doing things for other people, or accomplishing tasks with someone else in mind.  I like to play games, but I only like playing games that I can play with other people, or at least share with someone else who is also interested in that game.  When there is nothing going on, or I am not engaged in some activity for someone else, I do nothing.  Nothing at all, I stare at the wall, or at the TV, or sleep.  If the activity is not for someone else's interest or benefit, I do not do it.

I cannot say I do absolutely nothing for myself, but it is a close thing.  I write for myself, mostly anyway.  As much as I say I do not, I secretly hope people will read what I have written, and like it.  Anything that I do without others immediately in mind are very rare.  As rare as they are, I know them to be the most pure.  I know these tasks to be the most successful.  What is success?  Success amounts to the setting of a goal and the subsequent acquisition of that goal.  I live alone, and will decide to clean the kitchen.  Why am I doing this?  Is it because the kitchen needs cleaned, or is it because I do not want others to think I am a slob?  Both, really, but it is still an act with others in mind.

I do my best to Not Give A Fuck.  That is in Proper Form, because it is a saying that a lot of people do not quite understand.  Not Giving A Fuck is simply the practice of being OK with exactly what you have and your surroundings.  Being OK with yourself.  The world around you is struggling and striving and fighting for MORE.  More money, more sex, more love, more entertainment, more success, more of everything.  Never satisfied with what they have, always trying to get MORE.

Society does not work if everyone is satisfied with what they have.