The big thing at these conventions is that you get a meet-and-greet with many stars from movies. Being a horror convention, much of the participants were people that you probably do not recognize without a face full of bloody chunks or a mask or some shit. A bunch of the crew from the Terminator franchise (Minus Ah-nold, unfortunately) and the Alien franchise (Minus Sigourney Weaver, because she actually still has a job) and some other folks from other horror stuff. Linda Hamilton, The blonde chick from the newest Terminator movie, The guy who plays Boggs from Shawshank Redemption, The guy who plays the Android from Aliens, Vazques from Aliens, The Black Dude from Devils Rejects... Fuckin' Elvira... and it was like 20-30 bucks to buy an autograph and take a picture and get a handshake. And then we come to Edward Fucking Furlong.
This is the kid from Terminator 2, Brainscan, American History X, and... well, basically nothing else, but if you IMDb him, he's got shit coming out currently, and has been working consistently for years. He's around 35 now, and the reason I call him Edward Fucking Furlong is that he's a complete dickbag. He looks like a burnout, and he's got the personality of a roast beef sandwich. He looked completely baked, was gnawing on one of the plastic fake cigarettes, and when people would come up to him, he couldn't even look in their eyes or even fucking smile! If you are at a convention and have the balls to charge people thirty goddamn dollars for the PRIVELEDGE of shaking your hand and taking a crappy cellphone picture and stand next to you for 15 seconds, you damn well better be a cheery mother fucker.
Every single other star we visited was tickled to death that we wanted to meet them and say Hi. Linda Hamilton was a sweetheart, I got to hug all up on some Elvira cleavage, Boggs from Shawshank was happy as shit that I just came and shook his hand and said I appreciated his work... didn't even buy anything from him, and he's still working his ass off and doesn't need the money, but he does it anyway. We passed Furlong in the halls at the hotel a couple of times, and I greeted him every time with a 'Good evening, Mr. Fulong,' and all he did was glance back and say 'Hey, how's it going' and keep walking. Fucker.
Now, here is what pisses me off. Edward Fucking Furlong has a career in entertainment, basically playing himself: A moody, self obsessed, emo-kid. How does a guy with a natural personality like that keep getting work in entertainment? I couldn't get a job at a fucking casino in the back goddamn room because I'm not friendly enough, how does this butt-punching shit slug get jobs as a fucking entertainer? He must have an AMAZING fucking agent with some balls out killer PR skills, because this fucking dude sure as stink on shit isn't landing his own roles. He is still riding the coat tails of Terminator and American History X fame, which, lets be honest here, are not good movies because Edward Fucking Furlong is in them. Terminator has Ah-nold and Linda Hamilton and that creepy fucking dude that plays T-1000, and American History X has Edward Norton and Randy Hickey from My Name Is Earl awesome-ing up the place. Very sad to see him like that; before we even got there, I said "Edward Furlong is the one that I want to meet, cuz I fuckin' like that guy and the movies he's in." And, he was a colossal disappointment. What a turd.
On a side note, I also learned that I can be pretty entertaining myself, but only in a situation where I don't give a fuck if anyone else is entertained. I do shit that makes ME laugh, and sometimes other people laugh with me. It only works if I do it for myself though, like this blog... as soon as I try to entertain someone else, it all collapses. I should learn to market that. Or not. Fuck you.
Edward Fucking Furlong......
The Angry Man
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