Its been couple of weeks since I've been on here, and I don't really have anything earth shaking to say. Is it because I've lost my edge? FUUUUCK that, I'm still goddam pissed off about shit, just not focused on one thing. So, I'm sittin' here, sippin' on the 'Champagne of Beers', and I start wondering... why in the fuck do I drink Miller High Life? It sucks! I mean, if it LOOKS like pee, and it tastes like pee, and it SMELLS like pee... what do you think it is???
SO, I realize the fact that the reason that I regularly drink iced urine, is because of my older brother. He lives out in North Carolina, and he's a coooool motherfucker... like, just about my favorite person to be around... But, it certainly wasn't always that way... and that's what I'm going to bitch about tonight; Brothers.
Brothers do some hateful shit to one another when they are kids... I look at my 2 boys and try to imagine what goes on behind closed doors. (Its a mystery how my youngest says things like "Fucking Bullshit" and "Douche-bag", while the oldest refuses to say anything like that, yet laughs his ASS off when the younger says it... hmmmm)
I had what I would consider a pretty regular childhood... you may not think so if you've read ANY of my other posts, but I really don't have anything to be angry about in regards to my upbringing. My parents split up when I was one, and I lived with my Mom and my older brother... Dad was around, he didn't run off or anything, just wasn't married to Mom anymore, which to me, was perfectly OK. Shit, I got 2 Christmas's and 2 Birthdays EVERY YEAR, so it was a great set up for me! But, the point to the back story is that Mom worked 2ND shift and was largely on her own, so me and my brother had to hang out a lot.
Let me just go through a short oratory of what he did to me over the years. Put a 3 piece wad of chewed gum in my hair while i was sleeping, so it had to be cut out. Melted my GI Joe figures on a light bulb. Told me if I didn't stop sucking my thumb, it would mutate into an elephant trunk. (OK, that one DID break the habit... but it scared the holy shit out of me for like 5 years). Glued my pillows together. Picked things out of his ass, then sat on me to wipe them on my face. Remember the game where you make a hand gesture, and someone inadvertently looks at it, and you get to punch them? He was the all high champion of that game... he punched me SOOO much, my only defense was to shriek at the top of my lungs whenever he approached me, so he would get in trouble. But, that stopped working after awhile, because, as it turns out, the girly shriek was SO annoying Mom started smacking ME to get me to quit... and of course, Older Brother capitalized on that, letting me endure Mom's wrath often. My name at the time was either Stupid or Pussy, because he called me each so often.
But, its not ALL bad either... I got my revenge in many ways... I ripped a tooth out of his mouth by yanking on an inner-tube he was blowing up. I peed in his hair in the bathtub. I got him slugged many times by both mom and dad when I would scream. There is a story that we like to tell my mom, that she SWEARS never happened, but me and Bro were both there...
Mom was bent over in the hallway at our house, loading groceries into the closet. My mother, whom will tell you herself, has a BIG booty. She's 53 now, and doesn't give a FUCK, but she's always had it. My brother was 14 or so at the time, skinny but tall. So, she's bent over in the hallway, and my brother tries to squeeze past her to his room. He says "Jeez, you're fat!"
I'm going to pause the story here for dramatic effect. Feel free to say "Oooooohhh".
I've already noted that my mom was loading groceries into the closet at that time. What she did was purely reactionary, and she doesn't remember doing it to this day, even though we remind her every time we get together. She turned, and belted her skinny son in the chest with a full jar of Mayonnaise. WOP!! Knocked him totally flat, right there in the hall, while she stormed off to her bed room. I'm like 9, and I see my big bro laying on the ground gasping for breath, and I do what is natural to 9 year old boys across the globe... I giggle uncontrollably. HEE HEE!! He finally got his! WOO!
He wasn't seriously hurt, no hospital or anything... and we laugh about it today. Mom didn't abuse us at all, but she did whup our asses when we did bad shit, and we deserved it. My kids? I make sure to beat them in equal proportions, not too much for either. They are 5 years apart, just like me and my older brother, so I KNOW what kind of antics they can get up to. When one screams, I just pull belt and swing for the fences on both of them, no explanations necessary, just STOP whatever the fuck you guys are doing!!
SO... if any of my readers have stories along these lines, I would LOVE to hear them! Even sisters; They do fucked up things to each other too. We had a step sister, Roseanne, whom we lovingly called Gross-Butt. Actually, we developed a full name for her: Grotesquely Deformed and Maggot Infested Anal Rot. And, we called her that. To her face. GOD, we were some fucked up kids...
Later
The Angry Man
SO, I realize the fact that the reason that I regularly drink iced urine, is because of my older brother. He lives out in North Carolina, and he's a coooool motherfucker... like, just about my favorite person to be around... But, it certainly wasn't always that way... and that's what I'm going to bitch about tonight; Brothers.
Brothers do some hateful shit to one another when they are kids... I look at my 2 boys and try to imagine what goes on behind closed doors. (Its a mystery how my youngest says things like "Fucking Bullshit" and "Douche-bag", while the oldest refuses to say anything like that, yet laughs his ASS off when the younger says it... hmmmm)
I had what I would consider a pretty regular childhood... you may not think so if you've read ANY of my other posts, but I really don't have anything to be angry about in regards to my upbringing. My parents split up when I was one, and I lived with my Mom and my older brother... Dad was around, he didn't run off or anything, just wasn't married to Mom anymore, which to me, was perfectly OK. Shit, I got 2 Christmas's and 2 Birthdays EVERY YEAR, so it was a great set up for me! But, the point to the back story is that Mom worked 2ND shift and was largely on her own, so me and my brother had to hang out a lot.
Let me just go through a short oratory of what he did to me over the years. Put a 3 piece wad of chewed gum in my hair while i was sleeping, so it had to be cut out. Melted my GI Joe figures on a light bulb. Told me if I didn't stop sucking my thumb, it would mutate into an elephant trunk. (OK, that one DID break the habit... but it scared the holy shit out of me for like 5 years). Glued my pillows together. Picked things out of his ass, then sat on me to wipe them on my face. Remember the game where you make a hand gesture, and someone inadvertently looks at it, and you get to punch them? He was the all high champion of that game... he punched me SOOO much, my only defense was to shriek at the top of my lungs whenever he approached me, so he would get in trouble. But, that stopped working after awhile, because, as it turns out, the girly shriek was SO annoying Mom started smacking ME to get me to quit... and of course, Older Brother capitalized on that, letting me endure Mom's wrath often. My name at the time was either Stupid or Pussy, because he called me each so often.
But, its not ALL bad either... I got my revenge in many ways... I ripped a tooth out of his mouth by yanking on an inner-tube he was blowing up. I peed in his hair in the bathtub. I got him slugged many times by both mom and dad when I would scream. There is a story that we like to tell my mom, that she SWEARS never happened, but me and Bro were both there...
Mom was bent over in the hallway at our house, loading groceries into the closet. My mother, whom will tell you herself, has a BIG booty. She's 53 now, and doesn't give a FUCK, but she's always had it. My brother was 14 or so at the time, skinny but tall. So, she's bent over in the hallway, and my brother tries to squeeze past her to his room. He says "Jeez, you're fat!"
I'm going to pause the story here for dramatic effect. Feel free to say "Oooooohhh".
I've already noted that my mom was loading groceries into the closet at that time. What she did was purely reactionary, and she doesn't remember doing it to this day, even though we remind her every time we get together. She turned, and belted her skinny son in the chest with a full jar of Mayonnaise. WOP!! Knocked him totally flat, right there in the hall, while she stormed off to her bed room. I'm like 9, and I see my big bro laying on the ground gasping for breath, and I do what is natural to 9 year old boys across the globe... I giggle uncontrollably. HEE HEE!! He finally got his! WOO!
He wasn't seriously hurt, no hospital or anything... and we laugh about it today. Mom didn't abuse us at all, but she did whup our asses when we did bad shit, and we deserved it. My kids? I make sure to beat them in equal proportions, not too much for either. They are 5 years apart, just like me and my older brother, so I KNOW what kind of antics they can get up to. When one screams, I just pull belt and swing for the fences on both of them, no explanations necessary, just STOP whatever the fuck you guys are doing!!
SO... if any of my readers have stories along these lines, I would LOVE to hear them! Even sisters; They do fucked up things to each other too. We had a step sister, Roseanne, whom we lovingly called Gross-Butt. Actually, we developed a full name for her: Grotesquely Deformed and Maggot Infested Anal Rot. And, we called her that. To her face. GOD, we were some fucked up kids...
Later
The Angry Man
Hey big brother i have a few of these stories of my own! I have been thrown through locked doors, thrown out windows onto rose bushes, had glass doors shattered on top of me and had my ass kicked many times glad to see it at least runs in the family! Hahaha
ReplyDeleteAngry Man brother Tom